One of my biggest Fatherhood lessons came from my cousin who is about my age. I have lots of cousins on both my Mom’s side and my Dad’s side. I draw inspiration from these dear people, and am close to many of them. We share a lot of genes and traits and history, and some of these friendships run deep, and so do some of our conversations. We can talk about anything.
So as a young father looking for wisdom, I asked one of my cousins about his home growing up. Several of his siblings had left the faith of their parents and it seemed to me that there was some splintering in the family at the time.
He said “Don, my dad disciplined us, but when it was all done, everyone was still mad. Nothing was healed. I determined that when I had to discipline my own children, when it was over, we HAD TO BE MELTED TOGETHER. It’s not done until the love and goodwill are flowing again, in hugs and tender words.” (That’s not verbatim, but it’s the essence of what he told me).
Wow. What an instruction! I knew when he said it that we needed to apply that principal in our own home. Too often I had stopped short of that, and I determined that I wanted to follow this choice advice.
So I have thought of this many times since. It’s actually good advice when dealing with difficulties in other relationships also. I was once in a meeting with my pastor staff where we had talked of some wishes they had for me and my home. The meeting was over and I was dismissed, but I had the sense that we were not melted together, so I told about this lesson. I believe it changed the tenor of the meeting, and we started working toward a more complete melting together that was fully realized in time. In employer/employee relationships, teacher/student relationships and others, it is a worthy goal. And with love, humility and communication it is often attainable.