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Psalm 139:18B KJV
when I awake, I am still with thee.

Our 4th granddaughter was born with a heart defect – basically a hole in her heart. When she was 18 months old she had a surgery to repair it. We thank God it was totally successful- she is the picture of health today.

After the surgery, with her parents exhausted and providing some care for their first daughter, I had the privilege of sitting in the recovery room at Children’s Hospital, waiting for her to come out of anesthesia.

It was a poignant time for me. I had watched her grow from infancy. She started out quite healthy but at a certain point her growth rate slowed. Still, she was a determined little girl and she seemed healthy enough that it was only later that we realized how much difference a good heart would make. So there was this question of whether it was fair to her to put her through this ordeal. But it really was necessary. So here I was beside her in the Recovery room. It was the middle of the night. The medical machines were humming and chirping their tunes, and I was sitting in a chair beside the hospital bed, holding the little hand of my dear granddaughter. Praying. Thinking. Loving. My heart full. Waiting.

Grandpa’s will understand that this was not at all a hardship for me. It was an honor to be trusted for this job. My comfortable bed in a quiet room could wait for another night. I would wait here.

She started stirring and I was instantly alert. Slowly she came into consciousness, looked at me. Pleadingly. She was hurting, everywhere. Her throat hurt, badly, because of the tubes that had been inserted for surgery. But I had been carefully instructed that I could not let her drink at first. My fatherheart ached. Here I was, her grandpa, and I couldn’t give her the thing that she so desperately wanted, and in her mind, absolutely needed. I couldn’t give her a drink, and I couldn’t relieve her pain. I couldn’t pick her up and hold her. About all I could do was hold her hand and look in her eyes and tell her I loved her. Just BE there for her. 

How many times are we in the spot that my little girl was in, spiritually and emotionally. Maybe coming out of “spiritual surgery” that cut deeply. Wondering why there is no relief and no help. Not realizing that the process is not yet complete, that for our own eventual good, we need to endure this a little longer. 

I can know then, that God has been there and is there, holding my hand, smiling down on me, with His heart aching with my pain. But he sees the big picture, and the person I can become as I heal, in His care and in His time. Can I trust him? 

And if it’s my son or my daughter or loved one going through something, sometimes all we can do is wait till they “awake” – sit and watch and believe, and BE THERE when that part of their journey is over. Like our Heavenly Father is, for us.